Cokeheads

Seriously.

Leaving Notes for People Part 2

Jesus Christ, people actually leave typed notes? I cannot believe this. Like, they actually spend the time opening a new Microsoft Word document, typing out what they want to say in the note ('please get milk,' 'do the laundry,' 'the baby is not yours,' etc.), and then print the document off. Wait, they probably spell check it first. Maybe double space it, change it to a font they like, put some clipart in there, add a border. Ok and then they print it.

I certainly hope it is worth it.

You can be an asshole and a sweetheart simultaneously

This is a talent that I think only New Yorkers possess. I don't know how they actually do it, because I don't completely understand it. In most circumstances it's the mixture of aggressive body language/tone of voice whilst saying something completely innocent/sweet/complimentary. "JEEZ YA BABY IS REAL CUTE"

My New Found Super Aggression: Travelling on the Train at Rush Hour

It’s necessary and acceptable to push people out of the way so you can get onto the train. Old ladies, cripples, children, fuck it I’m not being late for work.
I automatically detest anyone who takes up more than their allocated amount of small space on the train: Fat people, People with big bags pushing them into other people’s space, people with strollers and people with bikes. I’m thinking they deserve to die.
Additionally, what's the deal with parents who have their little kids sitting next to them, taking up a seat. Put the fucking kid on your lap.

I haven't seen any fucking famous people yet

You'd think for all the famous people that live in NY I would have spotted someone. I realise that this is not L.A., but people here are always telling me about all the famous people they've seen and met, and how they're all over Manhattan.

Well, I saw the fat guy from this last season's Project Runway standing on the street. And I might have seen Glenn Close. But I'm not sure if it was even her.

Leaving Notes for People

I'm not sure if this is just an American thing in general rather than a specifically New York thing, but people leave notes a lot. Especially about the smallest, most ridiculous shit, and often when they can easily talk to the person they are leaving the note for.
To me, notes have an inherent bitchiness about them. It is impossible to sound nice or polite in a note. Perhaps if you put some smiley faces in there or something. Or dotted the i's with love hearts.

Dogs: Surrogate Children

Ok maybe this is one of the more obvious ones, but it's a major one.

Where I'm from, dogs are dogs and they're treated as such. They sleep outside in a kennel, they're given ordinary dog food and they have some obedience training.

But here, they are on an equal level to humans. They are people's children, their babies as if they had given birth to them themselves.

First of all, I found it incredibly strange that most stores are totally ok with people bringing their dogs in. Additionally, i was surprised to find that a lot of landlords let their tenants have their pissing, shitting animals in a small enclosed apartment. But everyone seems to love dogs here, and accepts them.

I work in the industry, at what is referred to as a "pet spa." (Seriously, Pet SPA? wtf?) Some (rich) people's devotion to their dogs is truly showcased at this establishment.
Some of these people aren't even home enough to give their dogs an satisfactory amount of attention and love so they spend hundreds of dollars a week on professional dog walkers and "doggy daycare." (I'm sorry, but to call it "doggy daycare" is all kinds of ridiculous bullshit. It's a fucking kennel. A boarding kennel.)

I love dogs, i do. But it's a normal amount of love to have for an animal.

Sunday Brunch

What's the point? I mean, besides mimosas.

Tourists: On the Train

They really really want as many people as possible to know that they're tourists and they've come from Indiana or wherever for a super duper trip to the Big Apple! Oh hey guys look at us! We're on the New York City Subway! We're going to Times Square! Lets take photos of each other! Look at all the ethnic minorities! Lets take photos of that bum! What stop to we get off? Is it here? Is this it? This is just like the movies! I hope we don't get mugged hahaha!

And they seem to have a really difficult time standing, even when they're holding the fucking pole, always falling all over the place going "WOAAAHHHHH" and laughing about it. Nobody laughs with them.

I don't hate tourists, I'm practically still one of them. But i don't really want everyone to know that.

Locks on Doors

Is it really that unsafe here that people need to have four or more locks on their doors? It's really fucking annoying to jingle and fiddle about for five minutes trying to get into your house.

Laundry Smell

Ok, it's not as bad now, I think I've gotten somewhat used to it. But for the first little while it seemed like all people's houses, all buildings and stores smelled like laundry. I'd smell it on the street too, on people, their children, their dogs. I thought maybe people bathed in fabric softener, and this was some giant secret that I didn't know about yet.

Knuckle Cracking

Oh yes, it seems that native New Yorkers do this a lot. I don't know if it's because of stress, or perpetuating the sterotype of the New York tough guy ready for a fight. It's habit that's way too easy to pick up, I do it of a morning now, and at any spare moment when i stretch. Hello arthritis!